One woman, lots of paint and hundreds of tiles. If you're here because you found a painted tile, it's yours to keep.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Red Lips, Black Heart

"Do you really want to look back at your life and wonder what might have happened if you only told him how you felt?"
That's what Beth's friend, Kate, was always telling her. For years, Beth had feelings for her friend Matt that she just didn't talk about. He'd been sort of a muse for her art and songwriting, and held a special place in Beth's heart. "What are you waiting for?" Kate would ask Beth. "Just tell him. What have you got to lose?"
Beth intended never to tell him. It just didn't feel right to do that. Then one night, after a movie and several cocktails, Matt was harassing her about how she never dates because no guy is ever good enough to meet her standards. In a moment she would come to regret, Beth explained that the real reason she didn't date is that nothing ever compared to her relationship with him, that dating was awkward and uncomfortable and completely the opposite of hanging out with him.
Turns out, he'd been feeling the same way, and their relationship took a turn that night. Two months later, they were living together. A month after that, they were done. They agreed to remain friends, but instead drifted apart.
The glue that had held them together was the dream of what might one day be. Reality ruined all of that, and Beth hasn't been able to write a song since.
Her advice: The next time someone asks, "Do you really want to look back and wonder what might have been?" ... think about it long and hard, because dreaming about what might have been, can be a beautiful thing.
Left Beth in the Unisex restroom at Carvel, in the Harbors Shops off 17th Street Causeway in Fort Lauderdale. She's trying to make friends with Fudgie the Whale.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Henry likes to color

Henry likes to color, and you don't wanna make fun of him for it because Henry's also got a Black Belt and could seriously hurt you ... if he wanted. But he'd far rather color. When he sees those big bold black lines against that stark white background, he just can't help himself. Henry's day job is so downright dangerous that if he even told you what it was, he'd have to kill ya. He worries a lot about the day job. It gives him a lot of anxiety. Coloring -- and the scent of Crayolas -- keeps Henry calm.

Dropped Henry at Briny Pub, along the river in downtown Fort Lauderdale.

Fred Feels Feisty

Fred's not religious but he thinks that eating fish-on-Fridays thing is the best idea ever. He knows someone in the neighborhood would be cooking seafood tonight, and the mere scent of that makes him feisty. Fred loves Fridays, and bells or no bells, he was headed out for a little happy hour of his own. Maybe somewhere closer to all those fish he keeps dreaming about.

Dropped Fred in the City Link Box in front of Southland shopping center in the 900 block of State Road 84, so he can scope out the restaurants ads and see where he'd like to dine tonight. Maybe he'd start with some smoked fish dip. Fred will surely have fun, as he has a way of getting what he wants. For instance ... Fred wanted to be a recurring character in this little space, and his persistence won me over, so there he is again. I have a feeling he'll be back for occasional appearances. I think he's going to insist on it, 'cause that's how Fred is.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Undecided Ivy

When Ivy saw those people spontaneously break into dance in the parking lot of a diner one day, it looked like so much fun. She really wanted to just jump right on and join them but she felt too shy. Later, she got to thinking that we're all gonna die someday anyway, so why not LIVE just a little? She vowed, in the future, to be more spontaneous, and not to worry so much about how people might perceive her, or anyone else with the audacity to dance in the parking lot of a diner.

Dropped Ivy off, after a ridiculously long day, at a phone booth (that actually seems to be working) outside Walgreen's on Andrews Avenue, just north of Oakland Park Boulevard. The people hanging around looked like they could benefit from a little parking lot jig. But you know, nobody was actually jigging today. But who knows what tomorrow will bring. It is, after all, Friday.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Janie's Got a Jar

If Janie heard the word "awesome" one more time in her office, she was gonna scream. On Monday morning alone, she counted 27 "awesomes" ... and really, what could be so darned awesome on a Monday? Now Janie has established an "awesome-free zone" and obtained a jar. Every time someone says the word "awesome" in her presence, she orders them to put a dollar in her jar. Not that Janie has any authority, but people in her office are so accustomed to being ordered around that they generally just do as they're told. Janie is planning to take herself to one "awesome happy hour" on Frday, compliments of many dollars from co-workers in need of a thesaurus.

Dropped Janie at a phone booth (that doesn't work) at a recently abandoned CVS Pharmacy at the corner of Andrews Avenue and 17th Street, caddy-cornered from Broward General in Fort Lauderdale.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Hungry, Hungry Hal

Hal spent 20 minutes in the morning chopping up all the veggies and fruits for his healthy brown bag lunch. Eating healthy wasn't easy but Hal was determined. But at lunchtime, when he went to retrieve his lunch from the office fridge, it was nowhere to be found. He didn't want to point any fingers but Carol the receptionist smelled like oranges and was chugging down what looked exactly like his V-8. Hal was really getting annoyed. He was so hungry, he found himself at the drive-through of Checkers of all places. .... There goes Hal's diet. But Carol, well, she was in for quite the day tomorrow because Hal planned to arrive early and forward every phone in the office to her line. Hahahahaha.

Dropped Hal downtown on Second Street ... directly across the road from the Museum of Discovery in Fort Lauderdale .... there's a little circle there - and Hal's leaning against one of the posts plotting his revenge. Go Hal.

Angry Little Al

Everyone in the office avoided Al because he was always angry and yelling. In reality, Al was just really sad because no one liked him or invited him to lunch, or parties, or to get coffee, or anything. Ever. Al didn't know how to cry when he felt hurt. He only knew how to get mad. He was better at being mad than he was at showing how he really felt. If he showed how he really felt, he thought the others would make fun of him. ... and one of them might, but the others would probably like him a lot more.

Left Angry Little Al downtown late late last night.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Zoey, Phone Home

When Zoey was a kid her parents implied that she was from another planet. Now she wonders if if it's true ... because she never feels like she truly belongs anywhere. Sometimes she dreams of returning to whatever planet she's from, and discovering all the freaks with whom she shares so much ... her people. She just knows they'll love her unconditionally and welcome her home. When that finally happens, she's not even sure she'll come back to visit Earth at all. Basically, Zoey is trying to get abducted by aliens.

Left Zoey at a little yellow phone box (not the blue one) at the Shell station at State Road 84 and SW 9th in Lauderdale, so she could phone home if they don't come and get her. I was going to leave her at my reliable mailbox drop last night, but I do believe the security guy who rides around that shopping center in a little golf cart might be on to the fact that I'm hiding tiles at the mailbox. So now my life is officially wildly adventurous.

Fred's Frustration

Poor little Freddie, He can smell burgers and dogs cooking on grills all over the neighborhood, and he can't even get one little bird to torture. What were the humans thinking putting these damn bells around his neck? They've totally destroyed any hopes of sneak attack now. It's moments like this that drive him straight to the catnip.

Dropped Freddie off at Total Wine. In the ladies room, there's a little cabinet with all kind of little drawers in it, and that's where Fred will remain until someone comes along and finds him. I like to hide things in little nooks and crannies and drawers and cabinets, rather than just put them in plain sight. Maybe it's a reward for those curious enough to search for something, even if they don't know what they're looking for.

Every time I have been to a hotel, the first thing I do is look in all the drawers and under the mattress. I know that's weird, but I just can't help it. I'm not sure what I expect to find, and the truth is that I have never found anything worth remembering, but still I'd have to check. Anyway, if no one finds Fred, he'll get no catnip and might have to take up drinking, since there wouldn't be much else for him to do at Total Wine. Even if they had mice that came out and played at night, Freddie wouldn't stand much of a chance with those bells.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Lisa's Checkered Present

Everyone Lisa knew had a checkered past and she felt sort of left out. So she acquired a checkered present, and now finds that she really likes telling people how she would rather not discuss her checkered present.

Dropped Lisa at Cinema Paradiso, that theater that used to be an old church on Sixth Street. Went there to see Hats Off, Jyll Johnstone's movie about Mimi Weddell, a 93-year-old model and actress , and a woman of many hats, all of which look glamorous on her. The movie was shot over the course of a decade and includes interviews with her children, who eventually come to share her east side Manhattan apartment.

Weddell never stops, it seems, never gives up hope. She keeps going to auditions and getting parts and striving to do whatever she does the best that she can. She has lived this long despite smoking (with one of those long fancy cigarette holders, of course) and a bit of brandy. And the stories she tells ... Weddell is elegant, bold and mischievous.

And perhaps best of all, it all took place in a chilly theater on a ridiculously hot afternoon. I slipped Lisa of the Checkered Present under one of the plush seats. Maybe after seeing the movie enough times, she'll figure out what she'll say about her checkered past when she gets to be as old as Weddell. I hope I can be so together, graceful and mischievous if I ever make it to 93 ...

Vulnerable Violet

People say 'I was vulnerable' like it's a bad thing. Vulnerable just means that you're capable of being physically or emotionally wounded ... so the opposite of vulnerable must be cold and unfeeling, which seems like a far worse thing to me. But it happens. Having been emotionally wounded, Violet toughened up and became the opposite of vulnerable. Now she was working on letting her guard down a wee bit. But as you can see from the strained look on her face, she's not having an easy time of it.

Violet was created yesterday while watching Starting Out in the Evening, a 2007 movie about a grad student writing her thesis on a once-great and now ailing literary author who'd been working on the same novel for a decade. After 10 years of following around characters only to find out they weren't doing anything interesting, someone advises him to let go of the novel. "That would mean starting over," the author said tiredly. "I'm not quite sure I have the strength."

As we learn, however, it's not really a question of strength. If you have enough passion for something, strength will follow. But maybe there's another necessary ingredient ... My favorite line from the movie: Perhaps it is vulnerability which the artist needs above all else. Finally, vulnerability gets it's due.

Dropped Violet at Birch Park this morning, because trust me, nothing will make you more vulnerable than walking the beach and then around that track in what feels like 105-degree weather. I miss winter, even South Florida winter. Maybe I should develop a cycle where I paint all summer, and hide tiles in the winter.

I've been thinking lately that I'd write about what prompts me to keep hiding tiles. I was going to write something when I hit the one-year mark, and then when I hit the 100-tile mark ... but I just never did get it off the back burner. Then Rick @ South Florida Daily Blog invited me to participate in one of the 3-Question interviews he does with local bloggers. So finally, off the back burner. It's right here. Sometimes all I need is a deadline. I don't know why I put it off for so long. It was actually fun to write.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Trusty Trixie

With that honest little face, everyone trusted Trixie with their secrets, but Trixie doesn't know how many more she can hold. She worries that one day her head will explode and secrets will burst out everywhere and the gossip mongers will dive to the floor to snatch them up, and no one will ever trust her again. She's glad that people trust her, but the burden of all their secrets is sometimes more than she could handle. She wishes they'd spread the secrets around a bit ... start telling some of them to other people.

Left Trixie at Winn Dixie on W. State Road 84, and I swear I didn't even think about that rhyhming thing until I just wrote it. Something seemed to be happening there at the store. There were police cars and fire engines outside, but inside no one seemed to be talking about. Trixie's kinda glad that no one let her in on that secret. She doesn't really wanna know. She's hanging out by the sink in the handicapped stall, 'cause you know, NO ONE ever tells secrets in the ladies room.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Far Far Away

When Meg is really, really tired, she can close her eyes and within seconds travel really far away to a more peaceful place. She wishes that she could do more of this at night, during the hours she is supposed to be sleeping. But she can't, so she tries to imagine her sleep deprivation as a special gift, like a magical way to quickly travel through time.

Wasn't sure where to drop Meg, as I too was feeling sleepy by the time early holiday work deadlines were through with me. Then I remembered iced coffee Thursday, and thought that might be just what I needed. I was on Powerline in Pompano and found a DD. Pulled into the plaza parking lot and was headed up there when an older white-haired man on a park bench told me I looked tired but that there was no DD today. DD was closed. Apparently, he'd come there for coffee too, but no such luck. He did find some caffeine though. I could see the steam rising from his Styrofoam cup.

There's coffee in there, he says, pointing to the door of a bingo hall. I just didn't feel up for the bingo hall coffee thing, though. I was imagining powdered creamer and thick coffee that had been in the pot for awhile. I coulda been wrong. I didn't really give it a chance. Decided instead to just skip the coffee. The coffee-drinking man on the bench told me he used to be a waiter in New York and never heard of iced coffee before coming here. He wasn't looking for iced coffee, he said. Just the hot stuff. He said a lady told him about iced coffee once and that he tried it, but it just didn't to make sense to him ... cold coffee. I used to think that too.

It was an odd little shopping center. There was also a place called New Mermaid House Restaurant and a hair place that I think was called Dominican Johnny's or something. But everything looked kind of closed up, vacant, and abandoned. I guess bingo was a survivor, or maybe it's a middle-of-the-day sorta place

I pulled out of my parking space and was nearly out to Powerline when I realized there was a pay phone outside the Mermaid. Pay phones are hard to find in this town. If you do find one, there's generally no receiver or it's all beat up and not working or only for international calls or something crazy. I don't use a cell phone, so I appreciate seeing a good pay phone now and again. I went back and left my tile at the pay phone. It probably doesn't work, but at least the next person who can't make their call will find a little surprise.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Lucy Love

Lucy the Barmaid strategically scopes out people she feels might belong together. Then she tells each that the other likes them, but that they're kinda shy. Five out of 10 times, the pair wind up talking, and sometimes it's a match. If Lucy's bartending job was only about making drinks, she'd be bored. Lucy likes to feel like a host. She likes to connect people, not just romantically like a matchmaker does, but she just likes to get people talking about life and art and watever it is they're passionate about. She realizes how socially awkward we've all become. Look around you and everyone's writing on laptops, texting, yelling into cellphones ... people are intimate with technology, but not so much with people. Lucy sees what's lacking in many people's lives and how much people enjoy talking to each other once the barriers are broken down, so she kinda sees that as her little mission in life -- helping to break down the barriers. She's the real reason people come to that dingy little pub where she works. ... Well, that and the fact that they have a pretty decent jukebox.

Left Lucy Love in the loo at Dunkin Donuts at Oakland Park Blvd. and Andrews Avenue. I had to get a little iced coffee on my way home. I never used to like the stuff, but then last Thursday, I went there for the free vanilla iced coffee promotion and now I'm hooked. Tomorrow and for several Thursdays thereafter at DD ... free iced coffee, all day.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Rosa's Rage

After working in her yard all day Sunday, Rosa looked forward to watching the movie Station Agent and eating the pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream she'd hidden in the freezer right behind the stack of Lean Cuisines. After showering, she got in her jammies, popped in her movie and went to retrieve her ice cream, only to discover that it was gone. Rosa was raving mad. She says she WILL find out who did this, and that when she does she's going to kick their butt from here to Hialeah.

My plan was to drop this off at El Tamarindo, a sort of well-kept secret of a cafe at 233 W. State Road 84, in Fort Lauderdale. Surely there's more people dining there than there once was, but if people knew how delicious the food was there, and how reasonably priced and how great the service ... and even the atmosphere, there'd be a line out the door. It's always too much food though, so you have to take half home for lunch, or dinner the next day.

I was going to leave Rosa on the counter in the ladies, but it's one of those doors that stays ajar and I was feeling a bit freaky paranoid today, as we all sometimes do (or maybe it's just me). Anyway, I felt like right in the middle of pulling it out of my bag, someone was gonna walk right in and there I'd be standing, tile in hand, looking all guilty, 'cause I've just never been very good at hiding things. Well, I AM good at hiding things, but once I get caught, I'm not good at trying to hide the fact that I was hiding it. It's complicated, yet so simple.

So no tiling at Tamarindo. Instead I dropped it at my old reliable mailbox spot in front of Southland Shopping Center at State Road 84. It's in the parking lot close to the road. Rosa was still seething about the missing ice cream when I shoved her under the mailbox. She's crazy. I don't know if she'll stay there, because she's hopping mad, and the moon is looking pretty darned full, which always has a tendency to send Rose over the edge. I don't think she's gonna be happy until she gets that mint chocolate chip ice cream. I hope she finds it because the look in her eyes sorta scared me.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Cold, Strong Cass

Every time Cass felt left out, rejected or invisible, it reinforced the fact that she had no one to rely on in this life but herself. Sometimes that knowledge made her even stronger. Other times, not so much. Left Cass in the restroom at Sushi 1 Take Out, a teensy little sushi spot at 23 N. Federal Highway in Fort Lauderdale. It's one of those places where you can watch them make the sushi right there at the counter while you wait. The prices are amazingly reasonable, ranging from $1 for miso soup and $1.65 for a seaweed salad to $48 for a 66-piece tray with a little bit of everything. Six- to eight piece a la carte rolls are $2 to $3.

Cass is in the restroom down the long hallway, resting next to a lovely pot of flowers. She looks like she kind of belongs there with those flowers, so she might stay awhile and enjoy her little garden area in the corner. Sometimes these tiles just become part of the decor. I left one at the coffee shop next to Sunrise Cinema at Gateway quite some time ago, and last time I checked it was still right there on the shelf where I left it, right in the middle of a bunch of knick knacks. It kinda makes me feel more at home when I go there ... like I've got a secret connection.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Blue Bridget

Sometimes Bridget is shiny, charming and witty. But sometimes she just feels dull, unpolished and sleepy, or as her mom always called it, noodled. "Bridget," she'd say, "You look absolutely noodled." Then she'd pour her a glass of wine or make her a cup of tea and maybe a nice little sandwich with some Lay's potato chips on the side, and then they'd sit around and talk and all would be right with the world again. But Bridget's mom has moved on to the big kitchen table in the sky, and there are days when Bridget thinks she'd forfeit 10 years of her own life, just to have her mom back for one good healthy year. Now when Bridget's feeling noodled, she prefers to be alone, painting while watching movies, or cleaning while listening to fiddle music ... or just reading a good book in the yard and snoozing between chapters. Occasionally, she'll just have tea and a sandwich and a bag of chips.

Left Bridget at Dough Boys on 17th Street in Fort Lauderdale, and exited with a sandwich and a bag of chips. Bridget is safely secured in a cabinet under the sink in the women's room.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Snip, Snip

While brunching at the Blue Moon one Sunday, Jaye was fortunate enough to be seated next to The Red Hat Ladies. She heard them talking about those jerks with the metal balls hanging off the back of their ridiculously big trucks. The littlest of the ladies said, "You know, if I was a bit younger, I'd hit the parking lots with my wire cutters and clip the balls off every damned one of them." The other ladies' all giggled and clinked their wine glasses. "You go, Gladys," one said.

That's about all Jaye needed to hear. Now her and her friends are having a contest to see who can clip the most truck balls in a month. Jaye has 27 (Don't ask about the odd number, as it's a long story). She and her friends are really happy to be doing something for The Red Hat Ladies. ... Especially this. They know where the Red Hat Ladies brunch now .... so when it's all over. They're going to crash their little brunch and surprise them with their extensive collection.

Dropped Jaye at the Village Well, off 17th Street in Fort Lauderdale. Hope all goes well for her. Fortunately, she's pretty tough.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Ted's Abandonment Issues

Ted had been a loyal friend to Amy since the day she was born. Then one day, just like that, Amy stopped needing him and he was cast aside like yesterday's news -- totally abandoned. No one had hugged little Theodore for months. This made him very sad. But he didn't want to start all over with someone new, only to ultimately be rejected again. Instead, Ted vowed never to love again.

Dropped poor little teddy off under the mailbox at Southland Shopping Center on State Road 84, in Fort Lauderdale. Out close to 84, in the rear of some newsracks, it's a nice little spot. The cement slab is raised up off the ground, so he won't be in a puddle if it rains, and the mailbox is directly over him for shelter. He's not very noticeable down there, so he could be there awhile. But he's used to sleeping alone in the dark, so hopefully he'll be OK.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Tara's Cubicle Cap

Tara always wanted an office of her own, and now that she'd been promoted to sales manager, she thought she'd finally get one. Instead her boss gave her this silly hat to wear when she didn't want to be disturbed. In front of the whole staff, he said "When Tara has this hat on, no one is to disturb her. It means she's managing." Shortly after that, he went back into his office and shut the door. The corner office she'd been dreaming about remains empty. The bigwigs from the main office in New York used it when they're in town for the day. Tara is livid. She is so over her job, her boss and every other thing that's been happening lately, that she doesn't really want to talk to anyone. So she keeps her hat on all of the time. When people approach her cube, she puts up her hand in protest and points to the cap on her head. But seriously, she doesn't know how many more days she can do this before they finally can her. She has stopped working altogether now .... all she does is blog. Dropped Tara down at the river .... along the short cement wall by the Riverwalk ... near that really tall building with bluish windows, where all the rich people are always walking their little fluffy froo-froo dogs.

And about that park near there, at the corner of Las Olas and Andrews ... with the light sculptures or whatever they call it. I kinda like it when the trees are all lit up blue. I wish they would just leave it like that ... but those flashing colors ... totally unnecessary and kinda of cheesy if you ask me. But I'm sure it cost a fortune.

Haagen Dazs had free ice cream today, which is why I was down in the Riverwalk area to begin with. It was to promote their new flavor ... vanilla honey. It was good, for free ice cream. But if I were PAYING for it, I'd order the mint chocolate chip. By the way, someone told me recently that Haagen Dazs (I don't know how to make those little dots over the first 'a') actually doesn't mean anything. Like the name doesn't even translate to anything. I just looked it up and get this: It's an American brand of ice cream made by Nestle. I feel a little deceived now, so I'm kinda glad I didn't pay for my ice cream.

Joe Didn't Understand

Joe just didn't understand why people kept screwing with him, but it was starting to make him feel annoyed and mean. He couldn't get his DSL problems resolved, or even talk on the phone without static. Then his phone company sends some technician around who tells him his phone is defective, and sure enough, when the phone is unplugged the line is clear again, but only for about 24 hours ... same thing that always happens. Talk to some technician, and eventually, after you've been through enough shit ... all fixed. Yay! But within about 24 hours, everything usually breaks down again and that DSL light just blinks ... a lot, and the phone static returns. Then today, Joe gets this envelope in the mail from the phone company he is starting to despise ... and it looks like a check, so now he's thinking that maybe they're going to compensate him for all the totally unnecessary bullshit they have been putting him through for, well, ever since the big greedy conglomerate took over his phone company ... It's a check for $275 and it says pay to the order of Joseph King. So now he's feeling better about things, at least a little. I mean he still has a static-filled phone line and only gets DSL in brief intervals ... but at least he can take himself out for a few beers tonight and a game of pool with the extra cash. But noooooooooo. He gets down to his bank and the teller says, "Joe, could you really be this naive? Did you not see the words on this check -- that say 'This is not a check.' And the tiny print at the top that also says that repeatedly?" Joe was really mad. What the hell? Now they're gonna start sending him checks that look like checks but in reality AREN'T checks. Who DOES that? Have they not screwed with him enough already?

Left Joe at Tokyo Sushi on 17th Street. He says it was the wasabi that made him cry, but we all know the truth. He's now in the ladies room ... in the cabinet with the .... little gold sandals ... under the sink. He says he refuses to come out till his DSL and phone problems are resolved, but you know, maybe he could be talked down from the ledge ... which is only about 6 inches off the ground.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Liz's tiny little voice

You ever just want to drop everything and go do something fun? Liz wanted to be more spontaneous ... to just decide at the drop of a hat to go to happy hour or a movie or just get outta town for a day. Sometimes she pulled it off ... But often that voice in her head just wouldn't stop posing questions. Liz, did you get all your work done? Do you think you think you'll have time to finish? Did you pay your bills this month? Did you ever call the landlord about those termites? Didn't you tell your friend Sara you'd help her put together her resume? When was the last time you had an oil change? Come to think of it, Liz couldn't remember the last time she had an oil change ... even though a sticker was plastered in the corner of her windshield to REMIND her when to get that oil changed. She had even put it on her list, along with some other repairs she was supposed to get done, but dammit, where did she put that list? ... And damn that little voice, always trying to ruin her good time. Sometimes Liz had two drink two glasses of pinot grigio just to shut that little voice up, and then, just when she thinks she's managed to quiet it, she hears the the faintest little whisper of it .... Liz, do you really think you should have another glass of pinto grigio when you know you have to get up at 6 a.m.? Anonymously dropped Liz at the Shell Station on Andrews Avenue in downtown Fort Lauderdale. Out by pump No. 7 if I'm not mistaken.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

No McMuffins for Billy

Little Billy missed his morning McMuffin routine much more than he thought he would. Will he succumb to the power of the golden arches that loom on the horizon, or will he find the strength to persevere, and continue traveling across town for his 2-for-$2 McMuffins? Or perhaps, Billy will give up those McMuffins and stock up on grapefruits and melons .... because everyone knows that eating five servings of fruits and vegetables a day will make you feel immensely better. Knowing that, however, does not always stop the urge for a little McMuffin and maybe a side order of hash browns ... and coffee. Who doesn't love the caffeine? The bigger question is: Can fruits and veggies ultimately make you strong enough to resist the glow of the golden arches? There is only one way to find out. Well, I left Billy in the ladies room on the counter at Yankee Clipper, which is probably an unlikely place for finding fruits and veggies, but what the heck? T'was an oddly fun night anyway. Like a step back in time. Way back. Old Fort Lauderdale. So, history, fruits and veggies and cocktails. And I never say the word t'was, but it seems appropriate now, so there it is. T'was. T'was the night before fruits and veggies ....

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Dana the Downer

Dana whines all of the time about her life, her job, her kids, the government, her rotten neighbors .... on and on and on and on and on. Friends sometimes avoid her ... They say the negativity wraps around them like a snake and chokes every positive thought straight out of them, leaving them feeling as hopeless and miserable as Dana. Even on a good day, Dana's incessant whining about everything and everyone, is more than they can take, because even though everything in this world is totally out of control, sometimes people just wanna have fun and be happy with friends who radiate positivity and hope. But who doesn't understand that life is sometimes really overbearing? Talking it out is what we all do to cope. Sometimes, it's all we have to hang onto. It's what we do, because really, what else can we do? Truth is, sometimes we all feel depressed and just need to talk it all out. Dana is at Waxy's in Fort Lauderdale, on 17th Street, in the big stall in the ladies room, in that secret bottom drawer that no one ever looks in. So, if ya want her, go get her. But even if you don't, she's gonna be fine, just fine. Dana's a survivor.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Sam I Am

Sammy has a niche. As Pembroke Pines rapper Sam I Am, he turns Dr. Seuss books into rap songs, and people are loving it. There's something about listening to lyrics that take you right back to when you were a kid. Even Sammy's parents like it. But some of Sam I Am's peers say he's a hypocrite. They say they've known Sammy all of his life, and that he has some nerve taking the name Sam I Am, who everyone knows is pushing the green eggs and ham. This might be believable if someone else were doing it, his friends say, but they all know that Sam I Am, the rapper, is a vegan and wouldn't push green eggs and ham if his life depended on it. Sam I Am says he is tired of the criticism, and that people need to rise above and see the bigger picture and the symbolism of it all. "If you think for even a minute that Dr. Seuss meant for this book to be about green eggs and ham," Sam I Am says, "then I just don't think you are getting the intended message of this book.

"Green Eggs and Ham," he continues, "isn't about about eggs or pork. It's about life." Furthermore, Sam I Am asserts, the reason he chose his moniker is because of the importance of this book. "There is only one book you really need to get through this life," he says, "and that book is Green Eggs and Ham. It tells you pretty much everything you need to know about life and human relationships. It is my bible."

Dropped Sam I Am off at a Dunkin Donuts around Sample Road and Powerline .... Maybe they'll make him some green egs and ham, and perhaps a special little latte too, with a bit of whip cream and maybe a dash of cinammon.