One woman, lots of paint and hundreds of tiles. If you're here because you found a painted tile, it's yours to keep.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Puff the Magic Cat

Lori went through her life trying to think the very best about everyone, but lately it had been a challenge. More and more often she preferred the company of her cat, who is more considerate than most people. Sometimes on Saturday nights, she pops open a can of tuna and she and Puff split it. Some goes in Puff's bowl, and Lori eats the rest right out of the can. Last Tuesday, she and Puff played Monopoly. Of course, Lori had to move Puff's piece around the board for him. Puff likes to use the doggy token ... she thinks that's funny. Puff also thinks its funny when she gets Boardwalk, Park Place AND Mediterranean and Baltic. Lori knows that people think it's weird to hang out with your cat playing board games but look at all those people who set up MySpace profile for their pets. Besides, Puff has been there for her through thick and thin. She's one of the good cats. No power-tripping. Just live and let live. It could be the result of too much catnip, but she usually doesn't even chase mice anymore. ... Only occasionally will she bite or hiss or run around the house acting like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. And she's a damned good Monopoly player. And really, what more could you ask for in a cat? The only real downer is that Puff hates backgammon. Recently, Lori began putting catnip in her tea. Left Lori at Starbucks on Federal in Lauderdale, which is right next door to a restaurant called Mario's Catalina, though I think the sign out front might just say Catalina.

Friday, March 28, 2008


Even after she retired, Ethel continued to celebrate Casual Friday ... Friday was also her grocery shopping day, so she'd wear those the polka dotty socks and bright green slippers right out to Publix. She noticed that people were nicer to her when she had her "crazy feet" on ... like she was one of those mismatched, crazy yet adorable old ladies ... especially when she wore her light-up lava lamp earrings. Ethel used to think she'd be traveling and doing all kind of fun things in her retirement years, but even though she worked until age 79, she barely had enough money to pay her bills now. She sometimes missed her job and all the people she used to see there everyday. Casual Fridays are about as good as it gets now. After Publix, she heads over to Jamba Juice, the one near her favorite Cajun restaurant Shuck N Dive, and gets herself a shot of wheatgrass, straight up. She doesn't need an orange. Then she goes home and cleans her house while listening to her Flogging Molly CD. On Friday nights, her friend Marcy comes over and they play Yahtzee. Right now, Ethel is hiding behind a huge trash dispenser in the rest room at Jamba Juice.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

The New Lydia

Now that there were no little chunks of her heart left, Lydia worried that she would become bitter and twisted like those older ladies at the insurance company where she worked. In fact, Lydia's new bitter demeanor prompted those ladies to invite her to happy hour at Biddy's. She planned to go and knock back some friggin' tequila. That's how Lydia talked now ... like the kind of ladies who knocked back tequila on Fridays at Biddy's and swore a lot. She was considering taking up smoking too ... and swearing. She planned to carve out a whole new identity for herself. All new shit from here on in. But in the end, Lydia was dropped at Waxy O'Connor's, not Biddy's. She didn't really care which Irish pub it was, long as they had her brand of tequila and she could drink and smoke cigarettes. She didn't actually have a brand of tequila, but she thought she should find one if she was gonna keep hanging out with the insurance ladies.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Pepper's missing heart

Pepper pretends to be awkward, shy and quiet because he's not brave enough to tell people the truth ... that he doesn't really care. Also, he'll act like he can't hear them ... like they'll say something straight from the heart and he'll act like he never heard a word of it, like he'll never even acknowledge it. If they bring that up, he'll tell them he can't hear them because he doesn't have ears. ... which he doesn't, but that's besides the point. Pepper has an excuse for everything. After years of this behavior, those closest to him (and we use that term loosely) borrowed a heart detector and when Pepper fell asleep, they snuck into his house and used it on him ... Much as they had come to suspect, there were no beeps. The test was negative. No heart action whatsoever ... but lots of brain activity. Lots. Dropped Pepper on a bench down by the river in downtown Fort Lauderdale ... figured he needed a little time to reflect.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Anita cup of coffee

This is how Anita looks before stopping at Dunkin Donuts each morning. Between her PR job, which now takes about 60 hours a week and her secret night job, she sometimes has trouble staying awake on the road. Despite a tight budget, she won't give up the DD coffee and insists it's the most incredible thing ever invented. Even before going to bed at night, she anticipates that first sip in the morning. She doesn't take coffee for granted ... ever. It's that one true thing in her life ... sometimes, it's everything. Since she goes to the same DD every morning, she sees a lot of the same people. Even though she never talks with them, they feel like family. She thinks the little quiet guy who sits at a table with his donut and coffee each morning feels the same way. He never talks to anyone, just likes to watch all the regulars come and go while enjoying his morning routine, and sometimes he gives a little smile, like he knows we're all coming here for the same reason. Left this little tile at the best Dunkin Donuts ever. It's on Federal Highway near Commercial. After you've been there a few times, they don't even have to ask what you want anymore, they just know. Anita just loves that there's anyone on the planet who just knows what she wants. It makes her feel kinda special.

Just as mornings are for coffee, evenings, at least this one, are for beer. As an Irish-American, Meghan understood it was her duty to get out there on March 17 and hear Irish music and drink Guinness until she was clover-eyed. That's the term her mother (God rest her soul) used for tipsy ... clover-eyed or shamrock-faced. Actually, her mom told her not to get-clover-eyed OR shamrock-faced, especially if she was driving, so she doesn't really, not too much. Her mom also told her to always watch her drinks when she goes out, to never leave them unattended. Meghan used to think it was because someone might steal her beverage when she went to the ladies room, but then Meghan's sister told her it was because mom thought someone was gonna slip them a mickey. Then of course, Meghan had to ask what a mickey was. Anyway, Meghan was left at Maguires on Paddy's Day night, 'cause that's the only place that feels like home. Not Himmarsheee, which has blues on a stage outside and green beer. Maguires. Yeah, it's hard to get over paying ten bucks to walk in the door ... and after walking blocks to get there ... but then, how many times have we listened to the music for free? And, well, it's the next best thing to dancing in your living room. AND some really cool older lady, old enough to be her mom, offered her food, right off her plate. It's THAT kind of place. It was worth every penny and every block walked to get there. And fiddle music to boot. Left this tile, through top secret assistance, in the ladies room.

I know that I, Mary Tiler More, said I was going on hiatus .... and I feel I should, but not from tiles. ... just everything else.