Big Strong Bertha

Every time Bertha heard a woman using one of those poor-little-helpless me-and-only-if-had-a-big-strong-man-to-do-these-things spiels, she cringed ... and then she grew stronger inside. She and her friends jokingly called those women the eyelash batters and the men who fell for their silly lines "the battered."

Of course, Bertha and her buds realize that we all sometimes fantasize about being rescued from our stressful little lives ... but really, isn't it better to learn how to rely on yourself so that you don't have to sit around waiting for some guy to come along and complete you? Shouldn't people already be complete?

Bertha's friends kidded her that the real reason the eyelash batters bothered her was because she didn't know how to bat her own eyelashes OR to ask for help. So just for fun, she tried batting her lashes while saying things like "Could you come change my tire, you big strong guy?" and "I think I'm too fragile to open my own car door ... could you come around and open it for me?" but everyone just ended up laughing really, really hard at how ridiculous she looked and sounded.

Dropped Bertha at a Starbucks at 1615 N. Federal Highway in Fort Lauderdale. She's in the ladies' room batting her lashes, saying in a ridiculously high-pitched tone, "I think I'm just too, too weak to carry my own grande out to the car," and then laughing hysterically. The people sitting at the tables have probably heard her in there by now .... But don't go in there and try to rescue her, because she can handle things herself. Despite occasional hysteria, she's actually quite stable. If you don't believe it, just ask her.